Losing Myself
by Scully22
Summary: Please Review... Deborah’s POV...she contemplates whether she’s fallen in love with Ally's friend's single father
1. Chapter 1

**Chapter 1**

I thought the feelings had left. I thought I had moved passed my unpleasant beliefs… I thought wrong. I don't know how this all started… wait, what am I saying? I know exactly how all this started.

God I'm so stupid. Why did I ever let… how could I even… it wasn't on purpose… wait, let me tell you what happened. Let me explain myself, and my actions.

It all started two weeks ago, two long weeks ago. Ally's best friend, Jacob, came over. It seemed like every other time Jacob came over, him and Ally would play outside or watch TV together, Ally was very fond of him.

So, like I was saying, it was the same as every other day, until the last few minutes of Jacob's time at my house. The kids had gone up stairs to play, the twins over with Marie, and Ray was at work.

I had my old beat up jeans on, torn and tattered as they were, and a plaid long sleeve shirt on. My hair was up messily, and to say the least, I looked like crap. I had a hammer in one hand, nails in the other, I was fixing the inside of the door. It surprised me when there was a knock on it. But, then, I answered it. It was Jacob's father.

He was a handsome man, I can't deny that. His attire definitely didn't match mine. He had on a pair of nice slacks, a nice long sleeve shirt, and a trench coat. Like I said, he was handsome.

I welcomed him into my home, as embarrassed as I was, but he didn't seem to mind how awful I looked.

"Wow, you have a nice home," he looked around in awe. I smiled sheepishly, "today's a clean up day, so excuse the mess." He smiled at me.

There was a moment of silence. Then, "You have a hammer there, working on something?"

"Yeah, fixing the hinges on the door," He looked at me surprised.

"I'm sorry if I look so shocked, it's just most the women around here seem very house wife-ish, not construction worker like," he smiled.

"I'm an exception," I smiled up at him, his smile widened, "I guess you are."

There was another pause. I hadn't realized it but I had been…'gazing' into his eyes. I couldn't help it. Finally he looked away.

He said, "Well, I better go get my kid…"

I took in a deep breath, "I'll go get him," I offered. But he stopped me, putting his hand gently on my shoulder, "I'll get him, just point me in the right direction."

I smiled then showed him over to the stairway, pointing, I told him Ally's room was two doors to the left. He went to go get his son. Meanwhile I pretty much paced the room. Even then I had confusing emotions going through my head, I was already perplexed.

Not but a minute later he came back down the stairs, "he's getting his stuff together."

I nodded while I watched him make his way over to my large bookcase; he looked at some CD's.

"You like The Crows!" he smiled widely as turned around with the CD in hand.

"Yes! My family won't let me listen to them, do you like them?" I was shocked to hear he even heard of The Crows.

"I love them! I can't believe you know The Crows!" he was obviously just as impressed as I.

I walked over to him, "I listen to them every chance I get, which has been less lately." He looked at me like an idea had come across him, "this is a very odd coincidence, but I just got two tickets to their new concert."

"They're on tour again?" I was completely baffled.

"Yeah! Would you like to go with me?" he offered nicely. I tilted my head in thought, it sounded great, but I had other duties.

"You know, I have to take care of the kids and…"

"Well I know a good babysitter, her and her daughter have been babysitting forever practically, they'd watch both our kids."

"You think so?" I smiled kind of excited I might be able to go with him… to see The Crows.

"I'm almost positive."

I was thinking while Jacob and Ally came down the stairs. We walked over to the kids, Jacob's father helped him get his jacket on. Ally went back upstairs while Jacob went to the car to wait.

"You know, I'll call the babysitter, see if they can do it," I nodded, it sounded like a good idea, "and by the way, I'm John."

I smiled bashfully, "Deborah. Nice to meet you."


	2. Chapter 2

Everybody Loves Raymond fic

**Chapter 2**

Deborah waited for Ray to get home anxiously. She had done her duties as a wife and now she had a request. But was that all their marriage was? She did her 'duties' and he did his, and that was it?

Ray came in the back door and she came into the kitchen quickly, "I'm so hungry!" Ray whined. Deborah didn't even bother to kiss him hello, or even say hi, "I made pesto."

"ok, let me have some!" Ray smiled like a dork and she pulled him out a plate. She pulled herself one too. They sat at the table, but only Ray ate. Deborah just stared at her plate. Finally when Ray looked up from his paper he asked, "are you ok?"

Deborah frowned at him, she contemplated the question so long that he lost interest and went back to reading. Finally she figured out how to tell him she was going, and that's exactly what she did, she told him.

"Ray, I'm going to a concert with John tomorrow night." Ray frowned at her, "Who's John?"

"He's Jacob's father."

"you're going on a date with another father?" Ray asked.

"It's not a date. He's just taking me out to a concert."

Ray lifted his eyebrows at her, "well, I'm sorry, but I'm playing golf tomorrow."

Deborah took in a deep breath, "I'm going to the concert at five, the kids are your responsibility from that time on." And with that she stood, threw her plate of pesto and pasta away and left the room.

Ray shrugged and continued eating.

_Next Morning_

Ray headed out early in the morning, early enough to get back by five hopefully. Deborah wasn't going to worry, she was hoping he would make it back- and just in case the baby sitter was coming over.

The day had gone by fast. The kids played at Maries most the day, and Deborah spent her time figuring out what to wear. Finally she found something, and just in time too.

John rang the doorbell and she opened it excited about the night. She could see John's mouth fall open, "you look amazing," he smiled as Jacob ran in and sat on the couch with Ally.

"Are you ready to go?" John asked.

"Where are the baby sitters?" Deborah asked.

"Oh. Right there," He pointed at a car with two women getting out. Deborah smiled, he actually did have two babysitters with him. "Let's go," she smiled as she walked out of the house.

John placed his hand lightly on her back to guide her to his car and she liked it, it was nice to be touched, even if it was just a few finger tips on her back. She also found she liked him because he wasn't overly-gentlemen like. He didn't open her door for her, but he let her walk in front of him. He didn't kiss her hand or anything, but he smiled and he was forward with her, honest. He wasn't afraid to be honest.

_TBC_


	3. Chapter 3

**Chapter 3**

The two sat in traffic for an hour. Their time was running out. If the traffic didn't ease up they'd miss the concert.

"I'm really sorry about this, I thought we'd left early enough," John apologized sympathetically.

"Don't worry about it," Debra shook her head, "I guess I wasn't meant to get away from the house." John looked over at her with a frown. A few minutes later, John had offered her his jacket, and she was fast asleep.

An hour later John pulled the car into a parking lot, stopping as Debra woke up. She squinted her eyes then scrunched them together, trying to wake up.

"Where are we?" She asked.

"Oddly enough, a friend of mine at the Bureau told me about this place. I actually didn't think it was here, but it is," John smiled. Debra smiled back, "it doesn't look too bad."

John led Debra into the small restaurant where they were seated right away.

"Not too busy tonight, huh?" John asked the older waitress.

"Strange really, we're usually very busy 'round here. Here's ya menus."

_**Later that night**_

"I must say, the food isn't too bad," Debra smiled setting down her fork.

"Well what we're you expecting?" John smiled back widely. Debra shook her head.

"What?"

Debra kept shaking her head, "Ray was right, I am going on a date with another dad aren't I?"

"No. No your not. Not having dinner with another, besides a spouse, was a tradition made up by men who couldn't face the fact that their wife was out with another man."

"So Ray's insecure?" Debra wondered.

"I don't know what Ray is, but I guess he's not against us having dinner, otherwise he'd be here trying to stop you and me."

Debra nodded, "that's the thing about Ray. He say's he believes in something, but he never fights for it or for me or the kids…"

"You're husband doesn't stand up for you or your kids?" John obviously had a problem with what he was hearing.

"He's not that kind of guy, John. He's not like you. You're not like him… I guess that's why I'm… intrigued," Debra bowed her head down, she was ashamed of what she felt for him.

"Intrigued huh? Forgive me, but I don't think that's fair, to you, that you're intrigued because I would do anything for my wife, and my child."

"Kind of sad huh?... I just… sometimes I wish I could just leave. You know I have dreams too, I have things I've always wanted to do, but haven't."

"Why not?"

"Ray asked me to marry him. We had kids right away. It wasn't the life I intended. It still isn't… that makes me a bad person doesn't it."

John shook his head, "What are you talking about?" John wrapped his hands around hers, "that makes you a human being. If there's things you want to try, you should try them. We only live once. If you don't try what you've always wanted, you'll never be happy."

Debra watched his hands comforting her. She watched as he held on to her, he was reassuring her, supporting her. She looked up into his eyes softly. She was falling for him.

_TBC_


End file.
